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Studies in the Book of Revelation – Northbound study 19th April April 29, 2008

Posted by citril in Christianity, church, Second Life, SL.
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From a Dispensational, Pre-Tribulational and Pre-Millennial Perspective


C H A P T E R  S I X

The Breaking of the Seven Seals


From this point forward there is no more mention of the Church of Jesus Christ. There is no final message for this time of tribulation; there is no mention of her at all, for she is gone.

Not long after the sudden disappearance of billions of people from the earth, in some corner of the world you just might hear this conversation taking place.


A Conversation in the furture.. Meet Jack

Hi there, my name is Jack and these people are all my friends. Not long ago all those Christians suddenly disappeared. No one really knows what happened to them either. Some say that God came and took them all to heaven… yah, sure He did! I don’t know where they went to, but things have been a lot different since thy left. Whether it is good or bad might be up to your particular point of view. For one thing, I heard on the news that crime is up all over the world. It’s strange, but people just seem to have a different attitude now.

Well, at least there’s no one around preaching at us or telling us to go to church. Those Christians were always on me to go to church and kept telling me about Jesus, over and over again, like they were on some kind of mission or something. Well, now they’re gone. Funny thing though, the next Sunday, the churches had never been as packed as they were then.

Not long after everyone disappeared, a new leader named Pevrai Teav emerged in Europe. He seems to have a lot of answers to many of the world’s problems. He even had a good explanation about the disappearing of all the Christians.  Israel and her neighbors have just signed a peace treaty for the next seven years, so the problems over there seem to be over. This new leader seems to have answers to a lot of our problems.  A lot of people and even national leaders are saying how great this man Pevrai is.  I believe he can truly save the world from itself.  He says if we all will just trust in him he will show us how we can achieve world peace, be better citizens of the world and pull together for the betterment of all mankind. Now what’s wrong with that after all?


Welcome to Daniel’s 70th week,
otherwise known as the

1. Great affliction, trial, or distress; suffering: Their tribulation has finally passed. See Synonyms at trial.
2. An experience that tests one’s endurance, patience, or faith. See Synonyms at burden1.


the “Time of Jacob’s Trouble” or “The Day of the Lord,”
(Jer. 30: Dan. 9:27: Rev. 6:1-18:24)

Jeremiah 30:7 “Alas! For that day is great, So that none is like it; And it is the time of Jacob’s trouble, But he shall be saved out of it.”

Daniel 12:1 “At that time Michael shall stand up, The great prince who stands watch over the sons of your people; And there shall be a time of trouble, Such as never was since there was a nation, Even to that time. And at that time your people shall be delivered, Every one who is found written in the book.”

Matthew 24:21 “For then there will be great tribulation, such as has not been since the beginning of the world until this time, no, nor ever shall be.”

In chapter five, it is Jesus Christ (the Lamb) who takes the book with Seven Seals out of the right hand of God who sits on the throne and all heaven rejoices and praises God. In chapter six it is Jesus again who breaks the seven seals, one at a time, revealing the contents of each seal as it is unleashed unto the world (Rev. 5:7; 6:1-17; 8:1).


* * Chapter Six * *

The Breaking of the Seven Seals

Revelation 6:1 “And I saw when the Lamb opened one of the seals, and I heard, as it were the noise of thunder, one of the four beasts saying, Come and see.”

These Things are “The Beginning of Sorrows”
(Matthew 24:8)

* The First Seal (The false Christ)

The White Horse – The Rise of the Antichrist
(Dan.7:8, 23-26; 8:8-10, 20-25; 11:35-45; II Th. 2:1-12; Rev. 13:1-18, 17:10-16)

Revelation 6:2  “Now I saw when the Lamb opened one of the seals; and I heard one of the four living creatures saying with a voice like thunder, “Come and see.” “And I saw, and behold a White Horse: and he that sat on him had a bow; and a crown was given unto him: and he went forth conquering, and to conquer.”

The Olivet Discourse corresponding prophecy:

Matthew 24:4-5 “And Jesus answered and said unto them, Take heed that no man deceive you. For many shall come in my name, saying, I am Christ; and shall deceive many.”

* * Two White Horses of Revelation (Rev.6:2)

Revelation 6:2 “And I looked, and behold, a white horse. He who sat on it had a bow; and a crown was given to him, and he went out conquering and to conquer.”

The symbolic “White Horse” and its rider. Who is this rider with his bow and now is given a crown. Notice the crown is not on his head, it is simply given to him. The Scriptures does not reveal to us his name except that it gives us pictures of who he is and what he has come upon the earth to do.

The bow he carries in his hand is symbolic with pictures of evil and conquest (Ps.7:12, 11:2, 37:14, 46:9, 58:7; Jer. 49:35). The Antichrist is the only person predicted in Scriptures as going forth conquering and to conquer at this particular time. (Dan. 7:7-8, 20-21, 23-24; 8:23-25; 9:27; 11:36-45; Rev. 6:1). The bow is symbolic of his strength and his ability, but he has no arrows. This tells us that the peace he brings will come about through diplomacy as a king, hence the crown. He will negotiate a peace treaty and will be the one who breaks it.

This rider will cause the wars, famines, pestilences, death, and hell of the following 3 seals (6:3-8). This rider will confirm a peace covenant for one week with Daniel’s people, the Jews (Dan. 9:27). This rider can only be the antichrist, and he makes his appearance only after Christ, the Lamb of God, breaks the first seal. He comes on a white horse imitating the deeds of Christ.

* * The Rider Who Is Called “Faithful and True” (Rev.19:11-21)

Revelation 19:11-16 “Now I saw heaven opened, and behold, a white horse. And He who sat on him was called Faithful and True, and in righteousness He judges and makes war.   12 His eyes were like a flame of fire, and on His head were many crowns. He had a name written that no one knew except Himself.   13 He was clothed with a robe dipped in blood, and His name is called The Word of God.   14 And the armies in heaven, clothed in fine linen, white and clean, followed Him on white horses.   15 Now out of His mouth goes a sharp sword, that with it He should strike the nations. And He Himself will rule them with a rod of iron. He Himself treads the winepress of the fierceness and wrath of Almighty God.   16 And He has on His robe and on His thigh a name written: KING OF KINGS AND LORD OF LORDS.”

Christ is always symbolized with having a sword, not a bow (Rev. 1:6, 19:15, 21). The rider of this white horse:

•    Comes to make war also. The difference between this rider and the first is that the war is a result of or part of His judgment.

•    On His head are many crowns; the first rider was given only one.

•    His robe was dipped in blood, representing either His own blood that was shed for us, the blood of His saints under persecution, or the blood that was about to be spilt.

•    This rider is identified to us as “The Word of God.”

•    This rider is not alone but comes WITH his saints, to stop man from destroying himself and the earth.

* The Second Seal (War Breaks Out)

The Red Horse – War caused by the Antichrist
(Dan. 7:23-24; 8:9, 23; Mt. 24:6-7)

Revelation 6:3-4 “And when He had opened the second seal, I heard the second beast say, Come and see. And there went out another horse that was red: and power was given to him that sat there on to take peace from the earth, and that they should kill one another: and there was given unto him a great sword.”

The Olivet Discourse corresponding prophecy

Matthew 24:6-7 “And you shall hear of wars and rumors of wars: see that you be not troubled: for all these things must come to pass, but the end is not yet. For nation shall rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom: …”

The Red Horse is a clear symbol of war. This is a natural outcome of the rider of the White Horse going out to conquer and conquering. This horseman will have the power to take the peace from the earth. The world’s leaders will appeal to their weapons of mass destruction, and entangle themselves in war. Recent advances such as the modern police state and intercontinental ballistic missiles carrying nuclear weapons will enable the sword of war carried by this blood-colored Horseman to bring the systematic persecution of all of the truly faithful and a judgment of a desolating worldwide war as men are set upon the task of killing one another.

* The Third Seal (Famines)

The Black Horse Famine Comes Riding
(Matthew 24:7)

Revelation 6:5-6 “And when He had opened the third seal, I heard the third beast say, Come and see. And I beheld, and he that sat on him had a set of balances in his hand. And I heard a voice in the midst of the four beasts say, A measure of wheat for a penny, and three measures of barley for a penny; and see you hurt not the oil and wine.”

The Olivet Discourse corresponding prophecy

Matthew 24: 7 “…and there shall be famines”

The Black Horse represents famine, which is the result of the conquest and the wars of the first two seals. The bread by “measure and weight” signifies scarcity of food (Ezek. 4:10-17). A measure was about 1 quart, a slave’s daily ration, an amount usually purchased for about 2 cents. One could usually buy 8 measures of wheat or 24 measures of barley for a penny, but during this future famine only 1 measure of wheat or 3 measures of barley can be purchased for a penny. This will make food 8 times higher than in normal times.

* The Fourth Seal (pestilence and death)

The Pale Horse Death and Hell
(Matthew 24:7-8)

Revelation 6:7-8 “And when He had opened the fourth seal, I heard the voice of the fourth beast say, Come and see. And I looked, and behold a pale horse, and his name that sat on him was Death, and Hell followed with him. And power was given unto them over the fourth part of the earth, to kill with the sword, and with hunger, and with death, and with the beast of the field.

Matthew 24:7-8 “… and pestilences, and earthquakes in divers places. All these are the beginning of sorrows.”

It is worthy to note that the riders of the first three horses are not named but here they are. Notice Hell follows behind Death for they are inseparable companions. Death here no doubt refers to a great pestilence following the wars, famines and plagues of the first three seals. One fourth of the earth, over which the pestilence shall sweep, will leave so great a death toll that the beasts of the field will gather to eat them (Mt 24:28, Lk.17:34-37, Rev. 17:17, Ezek. 39:17-21). Hell will have to enlarge itself and open its mouth without measure as it did in Isaiah. 5:13-16.

The word used to describe the color of the “pale” horse is the Greek word “chloros” or green. It is meant to convey the sickly green tinge of the deathly ill or recently dead. Since the literal translation “green” does not carry these connotations in English, the word was rendered “pale” in most English translations.

…All these are the beginning of sorrows…

*The Fifth Seal (Martyrdoms)

The Martyrs
(Mt. 24:9-13, Rev. 7:9-1; 15:2-4; 20:4)

Revelation 6:9-11 “And when He had opened the fifth seal, I saw under the alter the souls of them that were slain for the word of God, and for the testimony which they held: And they cried with a loud voice, saying, How long, O Lord, holy and true, will you not judge and avenge our blood on them that dwell on the earth? And white robes were given to every one of them; and it was said unto them that they should rest yet for a little season, until their fellow servants also and their brethren, that should be killed as they were, should be fulfilled.”

The Olivet discourse corresponding prophecy:

Matthew 24:9-13 “Then shall they deliver you up to be afflicted, and shall kill you: and you shall be hated of all nations for my names sake. And then shall many be offended, and shall betray one another, and shall hate one another. And many false prophets shall rise, and shall deceive many. And because iniquity shall abound the love of many shall wax cold. But he that shall endure unto the end, the same shall be saved.”

These saints are those who were saved after or as a result of the rapture of the church. They will be killed for the same two reasons John was exiled to the island of Patmos, for the word of God and the testimony of Jesus Christ (Rev. 1:9). The fact that their souls were under the Sacrificial Alter is proof that they were offered as a sacrifice and that is why they are Martyrs.

Notice they are given The White Robes to wear. This agrees with Rev 4:4, the Four and Twenty Elders which, representative of the church, are also wearing White Robes. When they ask how long before God avenges their death, they are told to just rest a little while longer (till the end of the Tribulation) until all their brethren from this period should join them. This is fulfilled in Rev. 20:4-6.

* The Sixth Seal (physical changes)

Physical Changes On the Earth

Revelation 6:12-17 “And I beheld when he had opened the sixth seal, and, lo, there was a great earthquake; and the sun became black as sackcloth of hair, and the moon became as blood; And the stars of heaven fell unto the earth, even as a fig tree casteth her untimely figs, when she is shaken of a mighty wind. And the heaven departed as a scroll when it is rolled together; and every mountain and island were moved out of their places. And the kings of the earth, and the great men, and the rich men, and the chief captains, and the mighty men, and every bondman, and every free man, hid themselves in the dens and in the rocks of the mountains; And said to the mountains and rocks, Fall on us, and hide us from the face of him that sitteth on the throne, and from the wrath of the Lamb: For the great day of his wrath is come; and who shall be able to stand?

The Olivet discourse corresponding prophecy

Matthew 24:29 “Immediately after the tribulation of those days shall the sun be darkened, and the moon shall not give her light, and the stars shall fall from heaven, and the powers of the heavens shall be shaken.”

Remember the oil field fires in Kuwait that Saddam Hussein had set as his armies were driven out at the end of the Gulf War? What an apocalyptic site: the sun, with its ominous darkness, and the moon, with its eerie dark, blood-red color, and the black smoke added to this ruinous, “end-of-the-world” scene? No, this wasn’t the sixth seal of Revelation, but it is a good local illustration of what it will look like worldwide as a result of wars, earthquakes and perhaps volcanic activity or possibly a lunar eclipse. Lunar eclipses may be seen from the whole night side of the planet and last for hours. During such an event the Moon turns the color of blood.

* * Chapter 7 * *

An Interval between the Sixth & Seventh Seals

The Sealing of the 144,000 To protect them from the coming trumpet judgments
(Revelation 7:1-8)

Revelation 7:1-4 “And after these things I saw four angels standing on the four corners of the earth, (North, South, East and West) holding the four winds of the earth, that the wind should not blow on the earth, or on the sea. Saying, hurt not the earth, neither the sea, nor the trees, till we have sealed the servants of our God in their foreheads. And I heard the number of them which were sealed: and there were sealed a hundred and forty and four thousand of all the tribes of the children of Israel.”

God will reserve 144,000 people of Israel, 12,000 from each of the 12 tribes of Israel, who during the period of the Tribulation will not bow their knee to Antichrist. They are saved and become servants of God and are sealed. This sealing is not the sealing of the Holy Spirit, by whom the believer is sealed (Eph. 1:13-14), but it is a sealing at the hand of angels.

We are told what this sealing is in Rev. 14:1. The “Fathers Name” is to be written on their foreheads. They were sealed on their foreheads where others could see it. Theirs is to be no secret discipleship. In the same public manner the followers of Antichrist will be sealed with a mark in their foreheads or right hand with the mark of the beast, which is the number 666. Rev.13:16-18.

The Blood-Washed Multitude
(Revelation 7:9-17)

Revelation 7:9-17 “After this I beheld and, lo, a great multitude, which no man could number, of all nations, and kindreds, and people, and tongue stood before the throne, and before the lamb clothed in white robes, and palms in their hands; and cried with a loud voice. Salvation to our God which sits upon the throne, and unto the Lamb. And all the angels stood around about the throne, and about the elders and the Four Beasts, and fell before the throne on their faces, and worshipped God, saying, Amen: blessing and glory, and wisdom, and thanksgiving, and honor, and power, and might, be unto our God for ever and ever, amen. And one of the elders answered, saying to me, who are these which are arrayed in white robes? And from where did they come? And I said to him, Sir, you know. And he said to me, these are they which came out of great tribulation, and have washed their robes, and have made them white in the blood of the Lamb. Therefore are they before the Throne of God, and serve Him day and night in His Temple: and He who sits on the Throne shall dwell among them. They shall hunger no more: neither shall the sun light on them, nor any heat. For the Lamb which is in the midst of the Throne shall feed them, and shall lead them unto living fountains of water: and God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes.”

This “Blood-Washed Multitude” introduces us to another class of the saved of the end-time. They do not represent the Church, for the Church has already been taken out. They differ from the Elders, who represent the Church, in that they stand, and have “palms” in their hands, while the Elders have “crowns,” and “sit on thrones” and have “harps,” and “golden vials” in their hands. They are an elect body of Gentiles gathered out from all nations and kindred and people and tongues.

The statement that they “came out of great tribulation” does not necessarily imply that it was “The Great Tribulation” that they came out of, for that covers only the last half of the week. They are seen by John in the middle of the first half of the week. The Scriptures only tell us that they came out of “great tribulation,” and as the whole week is a period of tribulation, they could come out of it at any point during the week.

* * Chapter 8 * *

* The Seventh Seal (silence)

Revelation 8:1 “And when He had opened the seventh seal, there was silence in heaven for about half an hour.”

The “Silence” that follows the breaking of the seventh seal is in anticipation for what is to follow in the sounding of the “Trumpets,” and the pouring out of the “Vials.” This silence is heard throughout Heaven, for the Four and Twenty Elders stop their harp playing, the angels hush their voices, and the Cherubim and Seraphim and all the hosts of Heaven are silent, and so great was the silence that all of Heaven was awed by it. Why the period of half an hour? It is the period of silent preparation for the awful judgments that were to burst forth onto the earth under the “Trumpets” and “Vial” judgments.

~ delivered by Don Aster, Messianic Rabbi

Friends old and new April 29, 2008

Posted by citril in angels, Christianity, friendship, Second Life, SL, teleporting, virtual reality.
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I had a thoroughly enjoyable time in SL today! I popped in to try and find a new outfit (as one does) , and had got stuck in Crucial Creations (location: X: 110 Y: 175 Z: 42) (SL was on go slow and stop), when my dear RL / SL friend, Ishbel Hartmann, came online.

She invited me over to Minerva (St Andrew’s University‘s new island, location: X: 38 Y: 36 Z: 23 – Ishbel’s RL counterpart works there), where she was trying to drive a FedEx lorry off her roof …. I never did find out exactly why the lorry was there! The building holds an exhibition at the moment (Ishbel, you can maybe fill us in with more information) and I was particularly interested in some rare books that were on display – I’ll be back to explore more. I was really taken with the gardens too …. may have to pick Ishbel’s brains about something similar for Dalriada.

St Andrew\'s Uni Island

We then TP’d over to my place, as Ishbel hadn’t seen it for a while – but it was slow going – I’m guessing it was SL and not our respective PC’s. It was night-time with me and Ishbel commented on the stunning display of stars …. which I couldn’t see! After a wee tutorial, now I realise why everyone raves about windlight!!! It was stunning! I’ll get some shots the next time I’m there – what a difference in the waves and the sky!

Which actually looks a bit sparse

With the difficulties in moving, we decided to sit on one of the balconies for a chat and catch up …. I’m trying to persuade her to consider being my neighbour again! Here’s hoping she sells her land soon and perhaps that will help with the decision!

Watching the sunrise

Too soon it was time for the working lass to go to bed, so I decided to resume my shopping trip! Just as I was searching the classified sections, a Group Notice arrived from dear Beacon Becloud, estate manager and counsellor for Northbound, announcing that the Victory over Darkness Bible Study was about to start in one of the rooms in Virtually You. After a frantic search for headphones, and severe mobility problems, I joined them. The only folk I knew were Beacon and Grizzy Griswold (who also has ministry on Northbound) – a sweet lady, DavielovesSusie was her name, I think, gave me a cup of tea and we settled down to listen to the study. I’ll post the notecard later. We had a good discussion afterwards, but, as it was nearly 2am, I made my excuses and left.

Led by Beacon Becloud

It is lovely to have met up with old friends and new!

Home, work and play April 28, 2008

Posted by citril in angels, Christianity, church, Second Life, SL, virtual reality.
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I have to admit – there hasn’t been a lot of Second Life home time, work or play of late! That is down to Susan (my Real Life counterpart) being pregnant, sicky and having a 3 year old toddler …. at least that seems to be her excuse! Me, I think she just lacks structure and motivation which, as always, has a knock on effect on me!

My home on Alexius Cove (location: X: 124 Y: 10 Z: 31) is now just about complete – I have some landscaping to do outside, but it’s causing problems as I am right on th beach.

My seaside home

I have a few pots and hanging baskets, but I miss having a garden, so may speak to the estate managers about doing something different. I have the all the furniture I need, but seem to have lost some of my paintings and crockery in the move, so I still have to set up the dining room and may have to buy some more pictures. Oh the hardship of shopping!!

A wee shopping trip for shoes!

I managed to fit a hot tub into the bedroom, and also have a gorgeous room for Susan’s daughter … who must wonder why she has her own room with Mummy’s angel, yet doesn’t have her own room in RL!! Susan is thinking she’d love to model Charis’s room on the one in my home, though draws the line at the princess pictures!!

A work in process

Outside my home on Alexius Cove

Church is going well, messianic rabbi Don Aster holds weekly meetings at North Bound church (location: X: 55 Y: 185 Z: 221), and ex pastor Ewen Glenelg attends, so it is wonderful to worship with them again. Don is following a fascinating and powerful study in Revelation just now – very thought provoking and inspirational. I will download his notes later.

The congregation at Northbound church

Due to the lack of time in SL, I have not been able to work at all, either for Northbound or for any of the magazines. Not that I am particularly bothered, though! My pal, Ishbel Hartmann, is involved in her own educational sim now, as is Sheila Yoshikawa – but sadly I have not managed to hook up with them recently either!

Wonderland: Virtual Adultery and Cyberspace Love January 30, 2008

Posted by citril in adultery, Alexius Cove, BBC2, cyberspace love, Don Aster, family, forgiveness, parenting, Real Life, Second Life, sim, SL, TV, virtual reality.
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This programme was aired last night on BBC2 Scotland (it airs tonight in the rest of the UK).

It is about a 37yr old wife and Mum of four, Carolyn, and explores an affair that she is having in SL. The blurb says, ‘She’s spending up to 18 hours a day with her lover, and her husband is in despair. But the extraordinary thing about this affair is that Carolyn’s lover is man she has never met. Because he’s not a human being. He’s an avatar (or computer generated figure), who exists only in the virtual world of Second Life. And their relationship exists only in cyberspace.’ Carolyn travels from the USA, 5000 miles to London to meet Elliot, the creator of the avatar with whom she has fallen in love, to see if the relationship can work in RL … despite her husband’s objections.
I know that many people are unhappy with their lot in life, with their choices, but in my mind an affair in SL (even if you don’t go on to meet the RL alter ego) is as bad and as wrong as a RL affair. I cannot understand what would lead a woman to leave her family behind to explore whether there is something better with someone she has never seen or met. How her husband was as understanding as he was I will never know!

Anyway – I had more thoughts, but I’ll come back to it … RL beckons!!!

In my own SL life, I have moved home to Alexius Cove which is linked with the North Bound sim, owned by Don Aster. I’m looking forward to getting established in my new home and to hopefully helping out at North Bound.

Why do I blog? December 5, 2007

Posted by citril in angels, blogging, church, friendship, Second Life, SL, virtual reality.
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I haven’t blogged much of late …. which frustrates me. My RL counter part used to blog daily, but has fallen away from it and, in turn, has not been in touch so much with her fellow bloggers.

What is the point of blogging, I wonder? Who is really truly interested in the thoughts, musings, rants and opinions of all these hundereds of thousands of folk who now blog? And, more so, who is interested in the blog of a virtual character like me? But, you know what, who cares? I know my RL counterpart (I must think of a better way of referring to her as that is an awful phrase) blogs for her own reading, and if other folk are interested so be it.

Why do I blog? Primarily I wanted to blog to record my experiences of this virtual world, but also so that there would be a record that I existed – because one day I know I won’t exist any more. Though something occurred to me recently – what will happen to me when my RL counterpart (ach, I’ll just call her Susan!!) no longer exists?

I have to confess that I haven’t been around SL much of late, mainly because Susan has been so busy in RL. However, I was feeling a bit lost since my church closed down – it had been my mainstay in SL. I had thought that being part of the community at Narnia would help, but it seems in my absence there has been problems, not just in Narnia, but, going by the group notices flying around, within the whole SL Christian community. It is sad that the schisms that tear apart RL churches are doing the same to SL churches and Christian communities. Not a great witness is it? And not exactly glorifying the Lord that we all claim to love and follow.

I was really excited to be taking on the Narnia Gazette, but, before I could get it together, I got an IM to say that I had been removed from the leadership list. It appears, as a result of some of the shenanigans to which I was not privy, many of the groups in Narnia had been closed down, including the Gazette. The Narnia Sim owner, Don Aster, when I spoke to him, was content to let the Gazette go ahead, but given I haven’t been around Narnia much, and haven’t been able to get to know many more folk there, I do wonder if the Gazette would be better run by someone who is more involved?

I guess I am still desperate for an actual job of some kind in SL (who cares if it pays?!), and quite jealous when I hear how busy Ishbel and Sheila are on their educational sims.

Ishbel’s porch

On another note, I was considering selling my land and buying elsewhere. Sheila found some beautiful land with a beach and has a really nice hideaway for herself there. It just seems such a hit and miss with neighbours though, and I have to say I’m loath to loose Ishbel as a neighbour. Anyway, we shall see. The wizard family who built the amazing castle below me sold up and a shop has replaced it. At least that is not quite as bad as the nightclub who set up next to Sheila’s beautiful Japanese garden.

Sheila’s garden

Letting You Go September 17, 2007

Posted by citril in baby, Christianity, family, loss, love, miscarriage, pain, parenting, pregnancy, Real Life, remembrance, sorrow.
I am as much a part of my RL counterpart as she is of me … so this is why she is posting the following here …… LETTING YOU GO

… by Bon Jovi

It ain’t no fun lying down to sleep
And there ain’t no secrets left for me to keep
I wish the stars up in the sky
Would all just call in sick
And the clouds would take the moon out
On some one-way trip

I drove all night down streets that wouldn’t bend
But somehow they drove me back here once again
To the place I lost at love, and the place I lost my soul
I wish I’d just burn down this place that we called home
It would all have been so easy
If you’d only made me cry
And told me how you’re leaving me
To some organ grinder’s lullaby

It’s hard, so hard – it’s tearing out my heart
It’s hard letting you go

Now the sky, it shines a different kind of blue
And the neighbor’s dog don’t bark like he used to
Well – me, these days
I just miss you – it’s the nights that I go insane
Unless you’re coming back for me
That’s one thing I know that won’t change

It’s hard, so hard – it’s tearing out my heart
It’s hard letting you go

Now some tarot card shark said I’ll draw you a heart
And we’ll find you somebody else new
But I’ve made my last trip to those carnival lips
When I bet all that I had on you

It’s hard, it’s hard, it’s hard, so hard
It’s hard letting you go
It’s hard, so hard, it’s tearing out my heart
But it’s hard letting you go


Ok … this is the blog I’ve been trying to write for some time now … it’s 3am … I’ve finished my wine … I’ve been listening to Bon Jovi for 3 hours now … and I found the song that has finally brought me to th point where I can write it. It is so hard …. my heart is tearing in two … tears stream down my face. I guess when I finally write it down there will be a sense of finality to it.

Many of you will know what a miracle Charis was to us .. the miracle of conceiving her and then the miracle of my surviving against grave odds.

Well, at the beginning of the Summer I discovered that God had blessed us with another miracle … I had fallen pregnant again and hadn’t realised. But this time there were complications from the start. We spent the whole Summer going back and forward to the hospital as our baby, that tiny life growing within me, fought to survive. And, man, did it fight!

On the evening of Sunday 29th July 2007 I was sitting watching Songs of Praise and a song came on with the lyrics ‘The Lord gives, the Lord takes away, blessed be His Name’ …. we were due for another scan the next day, something which had become routine for us … but it was then that I knew that our baby had died. The Lord had given us this little life, this little soul for a short time, and now the Lord had taken her (I seem to think of the baby as her) home.

Mum had traveled up to be with us, but it was with heavy heart that I lay down for the scan the next day. Though I still clung on to the merest shred of hope, my fears were confirmed – since the last scan, 2 weeks previous, the baby had died. Tuesday 31st July, morning found us sitting in Ward 8, waiting for me to go into theatre …. but this time they weren’t delivering a healthy baby. I would have been 3 months pregnant that day.

On Saturday we attended an annual service of remembrance for those who have lost babies through miscarriage or still birth. We had named our baby Alex – her name is recorded in the book of remembrance in Raigmore Chapel – we lit a candle for her on Saturday, and shed more tears for our loss.

It is so very hard … and it is tearing my heart out. I know she is in a better place …. Charis saw the angel come and take her away, and I have had in my mind’s eye the vision of her in Jesus’ arms, being cared for by those whom we know have passed on into eternity. But it is so very hard … I miss her so much … it is so very hard to let go. I miss her .. I miss her little being growing inside me. And I will spend the rest of my life missing her, as will Andrew and my family. I know that she plays with the angels and the saints in Paradise, that her eyes look upon the face of our Lord, and I know we will be with her again one day.

I know the tears will stop flowing one day … but for now I let them flow …. I don’t care who sees them … it is hard letting go.

A woman’s work is never done! September 1, 2007

Posted by citril in artists, concerts, Forsythe Whitfield, furniture, gigs, Isabella Boehm, Phemie Alcott, Prim Goddess Creations, Second Life, shopping, singers, virtual reality.
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I had to scrap the house again! I was ‘installing’ the Belson sink in my kitchen, when I noticed it came with some textures. One of them said Bamboo Side, and I assumed it went with the sink. Wrong! It stuck itself on the floor and looked awful! So I right clicked on it and deleted …. only to discover I had just deleted the back half of the house!!! Not a problem, I thought, I’ll just click ‘undo’ … except ‘undo’ doesn’t seem to cover such monumental muck ups! Still not a problem, I thought, I’ll drag it back out of inventory and realign it! Yeah …. right …. fat chance of that going right!

So …. I traipsed back through the house, through every room returning every item of furniture, pictures, lamps, etc to the inventory (on a previous ‘return to inventory’, when I had just clicked on ‘About land’ and returned items, not everything had returned to where it should have), then returned the whole house to the inventory. It was at this point that my RL counterpart took the huff, logged off and went for a triple latte!

On return, I IM’d Billie Scraggs, from whom I’d bought the house, then IM’d his partner who seems to be online when he isn’t. She was very helpful and advised that I could lock the individual sections in place, which I did. Another 40 minutes or so was spent moving furniture round (I now have a nursery for my RL counterpart’s daughter who asks daily if she can watch Mummy’s angel), then I decided that I needed to go shopping … as one does!

The first thing I spotted was hanging baskets at one of the stores! Hopefully they will compliment the gorgeous wind chimes that Ishbel gave me. I was actually on the look out for lounge furniture …. but I’m easily distracted, so when a Group message came up about a blues player singing live, I followed the TP over to the Event Venue on the Isles of Intrigue. The singer was Forsythe Whitfield, who did sing well, but the quality of the sound was not great …. then disappeared altogether! After a minute of silence, I got bored, did a search for furniture stores and TP’d out.

Forsythe Whitfield plays the Blues at Isles of Intrigue

I wandered for a short while at the store, which was so memorable that I don’t remember it, then TP’d to Prim Goddess Creations, which promised quality products with low prims. It looked great when I landed and I also got to listen to some great music …. which immediately distracted me from my task, as I could tell there was a live gig somewhere nearby. After some time flying and hunting I found that Prim Goddess Creations also sports a stage, upon which Phemie Alcott was performing her set.

Phemie Alcott

She was really good! She performed mostly her own work, but did a couple of covers too …. I would highly recommend her music to you!

Phemie Alcott

Phemie seems to have a loyal following, with whom she interacted and vice versa …. the most amusing point being when Christy Cosmos collapsed in a drunken, snoring heap in front of the stage! She had already admitted to having consumed a wee drink or two, and was advised by her pal, Harrie Skjellerup, to examine her drinking habits carefully!

There’s always one!

After the gig I decided to carry on shopping …. but got very laggy as I tried to cross the dance floor and avoid everyone, and had the embarrassment of ‘molesting’ (her words) the owner of the island, Isabella Boehm! She was very light hearted and friendly about being attacked by a ‘bird-woman’! I had just found a nice living room set to try out, when SL crashed!

“Are you an angel?” August 31, 2007

Posted by citril in angels, Christianity, God, Second Life, SL, virtual reality.
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Guess how many times I hear that!? :o)

I have to say, it is a good ice breaker and has led to many an interesting conversation. I have had the privalage of sharing my faith with many who asked me this question then stayed to listen to why I am an angel. I have also had the misfortune of having some try to persuade me to consider exploring my ‘dark’ side, as they call it! However … I always try, probably to the annoyance of those interested in an angel’s ‘dark’ side, to share why I will not go down that road. That is not what SL is about for me … many may choose that path, but not this angel!

Now, I know that SL is very much about escapism and fantasy fulfillment for many, and, yes, I can see the appeal of that. But I fail to see, in the long run, how this can maintain the sense of fulfillment that must be there at the beginning. I would rather be ‘real’ in SL … if that makes sense … and the only way I can do that is to be true to my inner self, which belongs, first and foremost, to God, then to my RL counterpart. With me so far? Good … cos I may have lost my thread!

Anyhoo …. I was shopping the other day, and happened to TP into a marina where I hoped to visit an antiques shop for kitchen units! The lag was dreadful, and a gentleman struck up conversation with the phrase that I am becoming oh, so used to! He was polite and seemed interested in what I had to share, challenging me intelligently on one or two points. Then he just had to go and spoil it with the ‘Do you have a dark angel side?’ Yaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwnnnnnnnn! Like I haven’t heard that one before either! And for the next 5 minutes I listened to innuendo afterinnuendo about the enjoyment of exploring that side! Then I politely excused myself … only to have said gentleman TP elsewhere before I could find the landmark I wanted to visit!

Why? That’s what I want to know? Why do folk think it’s amusing or witty to go down that road? Do I think it appropriate to ask a vampire if they explore their ‘light’ side? Do I think it’s witty to ask the dominatrix if she has explored her ‘good’ side? No … I would not be so presumptuous or rude! And would probably have TP’d elsewhere anywhere unless the vampire or dominatrix had intelligent conversation to make with me!

My RL counterpart tells me she has come up against this too with people around her trying to provoke or persuade  her into doing or saying something she would be ashamed of or embarrassed by …. and she has learned that it is not worth giving in!

Anyway …. such is life, I suppose, Real or Second!

When balloon rides go wrong! August 29, 2007

Posted by citril in balloon, balloon ride, coral reef, fish, friendship, photography, scenery, seahorses, Second Life, sinking, SL, swimming, travel, virtual reality, when balloon rides go wrong.

Ishbel and I have been so busy working on our respective homes, that we haven’t visited many places of interest together lately! Though I suppose if you are really into shopping then shops are places of interest!

Ishbel always manages to find the most interesting places … an indication of what a talented researcher she is! So it was at her suggestion that we ended up swimming (well, scuba diving without the scuba!) the coral reef at Freya (I must remember to try and take proper notes of landmarks!). Ishbel kindly gave me a bikini …. there wasn’t much to it!!!

The reef was beautiful, though hard work to swim through, and we kept losing each other.

Swimming at the coral reef

Then Ishbel spotted the balloon …. well, who can resist a free balloon ride?!

Admiring the scenery

After a couple of false starts, we got the balloon going and were soon soring over beautiful beach, mountain and coastal scenery, both of us snapping away like mad. Then Ishbel’s computer crashed … I assured her I would keep taking snaps – although her RL counterpart wasn’t inline, Ishbel was still opposite me in the balloon!

It was when the balloon went through a mountain that I first suspected something had gone wrong! Next thing I knew we were drifting out to sea …. and getting lower! Snapping away furiously, my RL counterpart wondering if she should shut down, I wanted to keep going to see where we ended up!

Slipping below the waves

Inevitably, we ditched in the sea …. balloons don’t float on the ocean in SL! I could only watch with dismay as the balloon sunk lower and lower below the ocean surface! Reminded me of one of the scenes in “Titanic”! It was then that I decided I’d better TP home …. to discover TP wasn’t working! In the end my RL counterpart had to shut down!

Ever get that sinking feeling?!

When I got back online, I TP’d to Ishbel’s, who was now sporting a rather fetching pirate outfit and eye patch. Needless to say, we took it easy for the rest of the evening. But already I’m looking forward to the next trip Ishbel organises!

Recovering from the balloon ride!

It had been a beautiful trip though, a change from shopping, building, moving furniture and landscaping!

Nobody understands me! August 28, 2007

Posted by citril in customer service, furniture, Second Life, shopping, SL, virtual reality, voice.

At least, I have a feeling that this is the way it is going to be!

As of 2nd August 2007, following a successful trial, SL became voice enabled.  I have to confess, that I haven’t had much experience of it, apart from after church 2 weeks ago when the preacher, Ewen, and 2 of the other guys in the congregation switched to voice, and entertained us all for half an hour by taking the rip out of each other … and of me when I confessed what a huge Dr Who fan I am!

So, today, I was happily wandering around looking for living room furniture, when I happened upon a barn owned by Turkey Yip, who designs and makes furniture and kitchen. He was using voice, despite his neighbours having ‘orbitted’ him and messed up things on his site, so I decided to try talking to him. The good news was that he could hear me clearly … the bad news was that he couldn’t understand me because of my accent!!! I knew this would happen! Hey-ho!

We switched back to text, and he spent the next 30-40 minutes rezzing examples of his furniture for me! I went away a happy shopper having bought a full living room set for my home! I would highly recommend Turkey’s barn – it was the best customer service I’ve seen yet in SL!

Now I’m off to arrange my living room and find a rug that matches!