Letting You Go September 17, 2007
Posted by citril in Christianity, Real Life, baby, family, loss, love, miscarriage, pain, parenting, pregnancy, remembrance, sorrow.2 comments
| I am as much a part of my RL counterpart as she is of me … so this is why she is posting the following here …… LETTING YOU GO
… by Bon Jovi It ain’t no fun lying down to sleep I drove all night down streets that wouldn’t bend It’s hard, so hard – it’s tearing out my heart Now the sky, it shines a different kind of blue It’s hard, so hard – it’s tearing out my heart Now some tarot card shark said I’ll draw you a heart It’s hard, it’s hard, it’s hard, so hard *************************************** Ok … this is the blog I’ve been trying to write for some time now … it’s 3am … I’ve finished my wine … I’ve been listening to Bon Jovi for 3 hours now … and I found the song that has finally brought me to th point where I can write it. It is so hard …. my heart is tearing in two … tears stream down my face. I guess when I finally write it down there will be a sense of finality to it. Many of you will know what a miracle Charis was to us .. the miracle of conceiving her and then the miracle of my surviving against grave odds. Well, at the beginning of the Summer I discovered that God had blessed us with another miracle … I had fallen pregnant again and hadn’t realised. But this time there were complications from the start. We spent the whole Summer going back and forward to the hospital as our baby, that tiny life growing within me, fought to survive. And, man, did it fight! On the evening of Sunday 29th July 2007 I was sitting watching Songs of Praise and a song came on with the lyrics ‘The Lord gives, the Lord takes away, blessed be His Name’ …. we were due for another scan the next day, something which had become routine for us … but it was then that I knew that our baby had died. The Lord had given us this little life, this little soul for a short time, and now the Lord had taken her (I seem to think of the baby as her) home. Mum had traveled up to be with us, but it was with heavy heart that I lay down for the scan the next day. Though I still clung on to the merest shred of hope, my fears were confirmed – since the last scan, 2 weeks previous, the baby had died. Tuesday 31st July, morning found us sitting in Ward 8, waiting for me to go into theatre …. but this time they weren’t delivering a healthy baby. I would have been 3 months pregnant that day. On Saturday we attended an annual service of remembrance for those who have lost babies through miscarriage or still birth. We had named our baby Alex – her name is recorded in the book of remembrance in Raigmore Chapel – we lit a candle for her on Saturday, and shed more tears for our loss. It is so very hard … and it is tearing my heart out. I know she is in a better place …. Charis saw the angel come and take her away, and I have had in my mind’s eye the vision of her in Jesus’ arms, being cared for by those whom we know have passed on into eternity. But it is so very hard … I miss her so much … it is so very hard to let go. I miss her .. I miss her little being growing inside me. And I will spend the rest of my life missing her, as will Andrew and my family. I know that she plays with the angels and the saints in Paradise, that her eyes look upon the face of our Lord, and I know we will be with her again one day. I know the tears will stop flowing one day … but for now I let them flow …. I don’t care who sees them … it is hard letting go. |
A woman’s work is never done! September 1, 2007
Posted by citril in Forsythe Whitfield, Isabella Boehm, Phemie Alcott, Prim Goddess Creations, Second Life, artists, concerts, furniture, gigs, shopping, singers, virtual reality.add a comment
I had to scrap the house again! I was ‘installing’ the Belson sink in my kitchen, when I noticed it came with some textures. One of them said Bamboo Side, and I assumed it went with the sink. Wrong! It stuck itself on the floor and looked awful! So I right clicked on it and deleted …. only to discover I had just deleted the back half of the house!!! Not a problem, I thought, I’ll just click ‘undo’ … except ‘undo’ doesn’t seem to cover such monumental muck ups! Still not a problem, I thought, I’ll drag it back out of inventory and realign it! Yeah …. right …. fat chance of that going right!
So …. I traipsed back through the house, through every room returning every item of furniture, pictures, lamps, etc to the inventory (on a previous ‘return to inventory’, when I had just clicked on ‘About land’ and returned items, not everything had returned to where it should have), then returned the whole house to the inventory. It was at this point that my RL counterpart took the huff, logged off and went for a triple latte!
On return, I IM’d Billie Scraggs, from whom I’d bought the house, then IM’d his partner who seems to be online when he isn’t. She was very helpful and advised that I could lock the individual sections in place, which I did. Another 40 minutes or so was spent moving furniture round (I now have a nursery for my RL counterpart’s daughter who asks daily if she can watch Mummy’s angel), then I decided that I needed to go shopping … as one does!
The first thing I spotted was hanging baskets at one of the stores! Hopefully they will compliment the gorgeous wind chimes that Ishbel gave me. I was actually on the look out for lounge furniture …. but I’m easily distracted, so when a Group message came up about a blues player singing live, I followed the TP over to the Event Venue on the Isles of Intrigue. The singer was Forsythe Whitfield, who did sing well, but the quality of the sound was not great …. then disappeared altogether! After a minute of silence, I got bored, did a search for furniture stores and TP’d out.
I wandered for a short while at the store, which was so memorable that I don’t remember it, then TP’d to Prim Goddess Creations, which promised quality products with low prims. It looked great when I landed and I also got to listen to some great music …. which immediately distracted me from my task, as I could tell there was a live gig somewhere nearby. After some time flying and hunting I found that Prim Goddess Creations also sports a stage, upon which Phemie Alcott was performing her set.
She was really good! She performed mostly her own work, but did a couple of covers too …. I would highly recommend her music to you!
Phemie seems to have a loyal following, with whom she interacted and vice versa …. the most amusing point being when Christy Cosmos collapsed in a drunken, snoring heap in front of the stage! She had already admitted to having consumed a wee drink or two, and was advised by her pal, Harrie Skjellerup, to examine her drinking habits carefully!
After the gig I decided to carry on shopping …. but got very laggy as I tried to cross the dance floor and avoid everyone, and had the embarrassment of ‘molesting’ (her words) the owner of the island, Isabella Boehm! She was very light hearted and friendly about being attacked by a ‘bird-woman’! I had just found a nice living room set to try out, when SL crashed!
